Anglicanned

Yesterday I went back to the Episcopal church. And I did some thinking, some introspection, and some observation.

I sat behind a woman who I've noticed before at church. She reminds me of an elementary school teacher in her late 40's. She comes to church alone and goes through the service flawlessly and (at least from my perspective) seems to have a truly deep experience through the prayers and the Eucharist. I like watching her, because I like to imagine her growth in the church and how she must understand things better than I do.

What I realize, though, is that it is really easy to get lost in the proceedings of a high church service. I caught myself trying to make sure that my Book of Common Prayer was on the right page and that I would be able to not get lost. It isn't that it's that hard to follow. They give you a bulletin and announce the pages as they go. But I found myself caught in the keeping up, and not really experiencing the moments as they came and went.

This, I think, is the biggest experiential downfall of high church. One must have some grasp of how things will go. One needs to know the order of things and what is expected at each turn. And not just know them, but feel the progression and be able to respond to it without being preoccupied. I've had days like that, but for the most part, in the Episcopal church, I'm not really there. I cannot say that this is the fault of the church so much as a part of my lack of experience in it. That is to say that I am still learning and finding how it works in relation with what I know it is trying to accomplish.

As I was sitting in the pew and having already taken communion, I pulled a card out of the slot in front of me. It was neither a visitor card nor a "Doodle Card" as I had expected, but a card I'd never seen before. It was a bookmark sized piece of cardstock that had a list of prayers on it that I didn't know even existed. They were prayers for before worship, before communion, after communion, and after worship. (I'm probably forgetting one or two.) And the point of them is to make that bridge between the corporate worship and read prayers out of the BCP and the internal, personal spirit of the congregant. The prayers may be written ahead of time, which is not a bad thing per se, but they can become a robotic reading without internalization. This way, the church is not the only entity praying. I am praying.

That's the hardest part for me. It's hard for me to pray and read and respond at the same time. It's hard for me to put the requisite soul into my prayers as I'm reading them. But I'm learning. And now, since I have it, I'm praying as directed, for God to quiet my mind and focus my heart on worship.

As a final note, there is something that I highly appreciate in the Episcopal church. The confession of sins is a weekly thing. This is something that bothered me in the Baptist church. No one ever talked about sin as something personal, but as something "other" that needed to be confessed. There was no public confession. The other thing that I like about this tradition is that the confession is corporate.

The Deacon or Celebrant says

Let us confess our sins against God and our neighbor.

Silence may be kept.

Minister and People

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your Name. Amen.

The Bishop, when present, or the Priest, stands and says

Almighty God have mercy on you, forgive you all your sins
through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen you in all
goodness, and by the power of the Holy Spirit keep you in
eternal life. Amen.

T